well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
