You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need to align my fucking chakras
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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