my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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