It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
