I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I want her autograph on my taint
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I deserve to be covered in dicks
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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