Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
