We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize