his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
