How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
