you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize