You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
