My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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