...so i touched it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize