I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
