so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
