haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I deserve this hangover.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
