Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize