Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
