I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
