I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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