I cockslap morals
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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