I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
