you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize