im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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