I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
