You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
