he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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