he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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