Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
