Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
