i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
