we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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