I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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