i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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