Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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