dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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