last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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