1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
third nipple confirmed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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