The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
