This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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