Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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