Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
