When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
