just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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