It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
