My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
