just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
