did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
