my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
