my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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