My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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