Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
