i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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