I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
