You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
