I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
