I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize