New low: just hacked my moms facebook
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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