It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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