i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
