Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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