Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
