As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
