I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
