Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
