yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
