He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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