i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
