there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
