Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
