I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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