fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize