I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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