I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
