update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
