Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
zippers are such a cool invention
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize