Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
