Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
