Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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