you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize