if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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