Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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