If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
