I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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