Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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