I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize