How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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