i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Of course I have a pirate flag
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize