i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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