I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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