You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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