waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
