dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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