the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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