I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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