dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
