Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
