Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
