closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
