i permit you to call me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize