Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
