Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
