he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
