I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
