you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
