Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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