My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
