she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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