I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
