To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i already hear my dad disowning me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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