Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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