Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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