maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
