I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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