I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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