So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
