Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
