yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
