John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
